Looking Back...

ever feel like one of the biggest laughs you can have is a walk down memory lane? Me too!  I especially enjoy the journals! Re-reading my hilarious and rather pathetic middle school journals has to be one the most entertaining and embarrassing past times. I can definitely say I caused more drama for myself then I care to admit. The honest truth is, as middle school kids we are in the typical and well-known 'AWKWARD' stage. Every kid experiences this unfortunate and sometimes publicly humiliating age. Some never grow out of it [you know who you are! ok Joke!] Luckily most of us are easing into semi-normal mode around freshman year. The amount of recovery we have all depends on our exposure to social events and things of that nature. Living in the 'Series of Unfortunate Events' volume: Sigurd, meant I was doomed to be a social outcast forever! And it's all to evident in my journals and my harsh pictures. Let's go back in time for a second and paint a lovely image of Shannell in elementary school then in middle school.
 From head to toe.
Try not to judge!
Butt crack part to a flat slicked down bob cut, snaggle tooth complimented by my over-sized ears and turtleneck. This is a fun intro.. . . .now to my non-matching light blue overalls with pink and pale orange striped knee high socks. Yes I was also the perfect vision of thin sporting my cage and double chin [that rhymed. cute.]  I am certain every boy within 20 miles wanted me! HA!But No, the awkward personality wasn't bad enough I had to look like something from the human version of the 'Ugly Duckling' on steroids! :/ However, as hopeless as I clearly was I cleaned up quite nicely by the seventh grade. I was weaving real blonde through my hair, styling my hair and flaunting it. My style became all trendy name brand clothes and I had the attitude of a Hollywood diva. Boys were beginning to flock to me! Now let's keep in mind these are seventh and eighth grade boys which detracts from the magic of the scene but stay with me here. Before this mighty transformation, my problem was merely being the last, most socially and physically uncoordinated girl placed on the co-ed dodge ball team after the team captain begging otherwise in front of the whole class... Yeah, a sensitive time. But now, I was the new hot talk of the boys locker room. A high honor? Why Yes!! Indeed! I was 'asked out' daily! [a.k.a. invited to tell all my friends I had a boyfriend but really never talked to or had the guts to even look at in the routine passing] Regardless, the esteemed position of being a 'girlfriend' was the war of the little people and I was on the market, so to speak. I was in and out of relationships with 'popular' boys for months. With all the self inflicted drama, gossip and the all to famous plethora of notes webbed from friend to ex, from ex to cousin, from cousin to the current, to his friend, his friends girlfriend, and on and so forth. We all had something to say! I was eating up the attention and constant creation of more drama! I'm not sure why we loved it so much but my group of friends had being ruthless down to a science.
This became a way of life. Turning me into a ugly, mean little girl with a bad attitude and boyfriend waiting list. Looking back at it now I would have been better off being the human duckling with a bad haircut! I didn't have one genuine friend and heaven knows I didn't have one genuine 'boyfriend,' obviously, since it was the 'going out' way to not speak or make eye contact with your 'boyfriend/girlfriend.' By the beginning of freshman year I had chosen drama over friendships and was now isolated and back to the maggot at the bottom of the food chain using better fashion sense.
Now that I am graduated and out of the small community that trains their youths' opinions of people, I have to just laugh at where my priorities were. I have the notes from the soap opera times of my life and it was a completely different girl writing those harsh words. I didn't value friendships or respect my peers like I was pretending to. Life evaluation can be a scary and brutal thing!
Looking back I am ashamed and humiliated at my childish behavior due to the valueless standards of middle school. I'm so glad I had the reformation I did! Can't go wrong growing up!
Your turn to take a jaunt down memory lane!

<3 stay gold!

p.s. Planner update: It is actually getting easier to jot down my necessary duties and obligations but I am still struggling with referring back to it [so basically it's pointless] This may be a similar problem for others as well. Let me know if you have a possible solution (: